


Darkness

by HiddenTohru



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Science Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 22:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenTohru/pseuds/HiddenTohru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I blame everything on rpepperpot. :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness

Bruce felt the slight tremor in his hands as the elevator rose swiftly to the top floor of the glittering Stark tower. Today hadn't been a good day, and he was feeling the strain as his control wavered. The other guy was restless, New York having been free from peril for the past few weeks, and he feared the consequences if things continued this way. He chided himself for actually wishing for a disaster to happen, and wondered if perhaps he should return to India.

It wasn't the first time he'd thought about it, since he took up residence in Stark tower, working for Tony in his own laboratory. The way the interns gave him nervous looks, though he spoke softly, when he spoke at all. The way they always seemed to quit after a few days, even though he was polite and hardly asked them to do anything. How even Pepper's smile got a little strained when she talked to him sometimes, though she tried very hard to make him feel welcome, as she did with all the employees in the tower. He sighed and shifted the piece of equipment he was carrying over to his left hand, rubbing the muscles in his neck with the other, feeling how tense they were. He shouldn't be here, and everyone knew it, except Tony.

He smiled to himself, not noticing his reflection in the shiny elevator doors. Tony was the only person he'd met since the accident who treated him like he was a person, and not a walking bomb. Ever since that first meeting on the S.H.I.E.L.D. air fortress, Tony had been friendly and helpful, if a bit cocky. But that was what Bruce liked about him, that he treated life like it was one big risk and took it head-on. Bruce didn't even remember if he'd ever felt that way. Ever since the accident, he had been so focused on staying in control, and Tony was just the opposite. He threw caution to the wind, and everything seemed to pay off for him. Well, almost everything.

The door slid open at the top floor, opening onto Tony Stark's sumptuous penthouse suite. Bruce looked around first, always feeling like a trespasser in all the wealth around him, but the suite was silent. He tentatively stepped out of the elevator. He knew Tony was home, but the entire place was dark and empty. The night sky twinkled innocently outside the vast windows, and Bruce wondered if he'd made a mistake. Tony always let the employees know which nights he'd be staying at Stark tower, the ones he wasn't busy jet-setting to an exotic locale or hob-nobbing with celebrities and politicians. Even the nights he was called away as Iron Man, he usually let someone in the building know he'd be back late. This hadn't always been the case, but Pepper had eventually put her foot down and made it a rule. The employees deserved to know if they were going to have to deal with a sudden invasion of the tower by some super-villian intent on Tony's life, she argued, so Tony let them know after that. Bruce sometimes wondered if it was partly for his sake, too. Iron Man might not be able to control the other guy, if he showed up, but he certainly would be able to distract him until other help could arrive. Pepper probably liked that extra security. She certainly never stayed in the suite when Tony wasn't there.

As Bruce mulled over these thoughts, padding softly across the floor of the suite, he heard a noise. He froze in his tracks, suddenly aware that perhaps Tony wasn't alone that night. Then he heard the noise again, and he felt himself relax. It was the clink of ice cubes in a glass. He listened carefully, and realized the sound was coming from Tony's room, off the main living area of the suite. It struck him as strange, since Tony had the entire suite to roam in, and he usually stayed near the bar when he was drinking, but he shrugged and headed in that direction.

When he got to the door, he raised his right hand to knock once, although the door was slightly ajar. He froze, unsure, and peered inside before making a sound. Tony was sitting in his desk chair, slumped over his desk. His shoulders shook slightly, and with a start Bruce realized he was crying. The half-empty glass of whiskey sat on the desk next to his arm, but the bottle was still nearly full, so he probably wasn't drunk. Bruce stepped back, the equipment in his left hand all but forgotten, along with the question he'd hoped to ask Tony about it. It was obvious that he shouldn't intrude on this, and probably shouldn't ever let on that he'd seen it happen.

Unfortunately, as he backed away from the door, Bruce felt his elbow catch on something. Too late, he realized it was one of the expensive iron sculptures that Tony had started collecting a few months ago, and he could only watch in horror as it crashed to the ground. He wanted to run to the elevator, try to forget this ever happened, but he was frozen in place, and then Tony was at the door.

"Who's there? Pepper? Jarvis, has there been an unauthorized entry?"

Bruce flinched as the lights in the suite came up suddenly, and Jarvis' cool voice responded "it's Dr. Banner, sir. He appears to have a small piece of equipment with him."

Tony stared at Bruce through the doorway, his eyes still red, his face looking haggard and older than Bruce had ever seen it. "What's up?"

Bruce opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shook his head, trying to gather his composure again. "Uh, nothing. Nothing important. I just, had a slight problem with this... experiment. I thought maybe another opinion could help. But it's late, I should probably go home." He half-turned, wanting again to run for the elevator, to leave his friend, his only real friend, in peace.

Tony smiled, in that cocky way he had. "No, let's see it. What were you working on? Did something break down on you? Do I need to call our supplier and yell at them for giving us sub-par equipment again?" He reached out and took the item from Bruce. "Is this the new plate capacitor we got last week?"

Science was easy, and Bruce found himself answering without thinking. "Yeah, but I think it might be negatively charged, each time I use it the positive ions are bouncing off at a much faster rate than they should be. I thought it might be the power input but I checked that and it doesn't seem to be the problem..." He trailed off as Tony turned the gadget over to inspect the power input himself, and to his horror, Bruce heard himself blurt out "Tony, why were you crying?"

Tony seemed not to hear him. He continued looking over the plate capacitor, slowly, deliberately, as if it was the most important thing he'd ever seen, a puzzle he had to solve. Then he turned and went over to the bar, setting the piece of equipment down on the countertop with slightly more force than was necessary. "This is a piece of crap. I'm going to order a new one in the morning. I told you Stark Industries has the best equipment, and if we have to buy that company and build it ourselves, we'll get a decent plate capacitor. Care for a drink?" He poured himself another glass of some expensive liquor that probably cost a ridiculous amount of money, but he didn't look at Bruce.

"Tony -" Bruce tried, but he was cut off.

"I was thinking about that the other day, actually. It's probably just cheaper to make our own lab equipment anyway, bring the whole business in-house. I'll ask Pepper about it in the morning, she doesn't appreciate it when I call her at 2 AM."

Bruce took a deep breath, then tried again. "Tony, what's wrong?"

Tony wouldn't look at him. He turned and looked out the window instead. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's just fine."

Bruce felt anger rising inside him, hot and fierce, but he stamped it down with the ease of practice. "Damn it, Tony, don't treat me like I'm stupid! You can't just pretend everything is okay all the time when it's obviously not! It's almost killed you before, didn't it?!"

Tony looked at him sharply, but turned back to the window and sipped his drink without responding.

"Pepper told me about that, how you almost died of palladium poisoning before you found the new fuel for your chest reactor. How you didn't tell anyone, just pretended everything was okay. It almost killed you, and now you're doing the same damn thing." He took a deep breath and continued, a bit quieter. "I like to think that we're friends. We've been through a lot of the same stuff now. I can probably understand a lot better than anyone else can. So just tell me about it. Maybe I can help."

Tony's hand was shaking, the ice cubes clinking in his glass. He looked down, surprised, and wrapped his other hand around it to steady it, grasping the glass with both hands as if it was his anchor. He was silent for one long moment, and when he answered, his voice shook. "I almost died up there, Bruce."

It took a second for Bruce to realize that he was talking about the Chitauri invasion, Loki's blasted attempt at world domination, which had happened almost six months before. He started to respond, but stopped when Tony continued.

"You'd think it wouldn't bother me. It's not like it's the first time I've faced death. Hell, it's not like I haven't faced it since. But you... you weren't there, Bruce. No one was. Alone, in that void, all I could see was the Chitauri ships exploding above me, and the dark, cold knowledge that I was going to die alone. Completely alone. Not even a body left behind on Earth to bury, just me, dead, floating in space. No teammates, no lovers, not even my computer to see my final moments and remember what happened there." He set his drink down on the table, the liquor no longer holding any appeal to him. "I thought, back when I was captured in Afghanistan, I thought that was the most afraid I'd ever been. Then I thought that Pepper being in danger was the worst fear. But nothing prepared me for the utter terror of dying alone in the darkness."

Tony hung his head, swaying slightly, and Bruce stepped forward, alarmed that his friend might collapse. He seemed to gather his strength, though, and he looked over at Bruce, his eyes tired, the weight of his fear showing in every line of his face. "So yeah, I was crying. Like a frightened child, afraid of the dark. I tried to keep the lights on all night long, at first, but that actually made it worse, made it feel like the darkness outside was pressing on me, trying to invade and extinguish the light. Some nights I just drink myself to sleep, but then I wake up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding, terrified of the darkness. I dream of the blackness, the screams of the Chitauri as they die. I don't know how to make it stop. It's better when Pepper's here, but she can't be here that often. She's got business to attend to, just like I do. And unlike the old days, I can't just bring any woman I meet in here to distract me. So I've spent a lot of nights wrapped in my fear, and when it gets too much for me, I cry."

Bruce felt helpless, a stronger helplessness than even the way he felt about his life since the accident. He said the only thing there was to say. "I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't know."

Tony managed a ragged smile. "Yeah, well, I haven't exactly been spreading it around. Even Pepper doesn't really know, although she has noticed something was wrong. She tries to help, but she doesn't know how. And I don't know how to ask for it."

What happened next surprised both of them. Bruce crossed the distance between them in a few strides and hugged the man he realized was his best friend. "Tony, you're not alone. You're never alone. You've got me, and Pepper, and everyone else. We all care about you." He pulled back and smiled a little, a little shocked at his own boldness. "Even Steve, though he wouldn't admit it most of the time. So if you ever need help, just ask."

Tony was speechless, for once. He just looked at Bruce, shock and confusion flashing over his features for a moment. Then he pulled Bruce back into the hug, sobbing quietly, his whole body shaking with the weight of the grief and fear. Half-formed words bubbled up through the sobs, but Bruce couldn’t understand any of it, so he just stood there, holding his friend, hoping that maybe, letting the grief out like this would help him.

After a few moments, the sobbing slowed, and Tony loosed his grip, pulling back slightly but not quite ready to let go. He was obviously embarrassed, and seemed to be at a loss. Bruce took the opportunity then to guide him over to the couch, and Tony let go of him and flopped down as if he was suddenly boneless, one hand over his face.

“I think I’m officially not allowed to be cool anymore.”

Bruce sat down next to him, a small smile emerging on his face at the attempted joke. “That’s assuming you were cool to begin with.”

Tony looked up then, and laughed, but it was a weak laugh. The pain was still present, and he let his head fall back again, his eyes closed, as he tried to push away the embarrassment and fear he still felt.

“Tony. You’re not alone in this, you know. We all have… We all have demons we need to face. Fears we deal with. There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of.” He looked down at his hands, hoping his friend was listening, not just hearing the words. “You need to tell Pepper. She would know the best way to help you. I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t really know what you need, but if talking about it helps… I’m always willing to listen. I work late a lot, if you hadn’t noticed, and you can always come down to the lab, or call me and I’ll come up…” He trailed off, feeling helpless again, staring at his hands as they grasped at each other, clasping and unclasping nervously. He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but he looked and there was Tony, with a tired, but genuine, smile on his face.

“I’m not sure I ever told you this, Bruce, but just in case… Thanks for catching me.”

Bruce smiled in response. “Anytime.”


End file.
